Bölüm

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IT WAS A BRIGHT AND SUNNY DAYas I left my house like always, but unlike always, I did not head to school. I was a good girl and I could not tell a lie. So, that morning, when I told my mother I was leaving, I did not tell herwhereI was headed. Now that’s what I call clever.

I did not head to school because I had something far more important to do.Although in truth, there is probably no reason for me to ever go back to school again,I thought. As for my studies, I could just have Skank-san tutor me. Even if I didn’t have lunch, I would have Granny’s sweets to tide me over. I would write letters to Hitomi-sensei now and then. People might say that Ihadto go to school, that elementary school education was compulsory, but what did they do when itwasn’tnecessary?

Now that I thought about it, I’d learned about skipping grades from a movie. I was smart enough that I could probably just do that. Well, no… Like Skank-san had told me, getting smarter wasn’t everything. Given that I had only been attending school for that purpose, there was probably no reason for me to go ever again.

As I thought all those things, I arrived at my destination before I knew it.

I hadn’t the slightest bit of doubt about coming here today. My arrival was different from the previous time. For one, I did not have my little friend at my side. Plus, it was still morning. The most important change, however, was that I no longer held any notions about attackinghim.

Like the last time, I rang the doorbell again and again. Like before, it was a sullen woman’s voice that I heard through the speaker. Last time, I had replied to that voice with a cheerful greeting. Today however, there was something that I needed to do.

I put all my heart into my words, to be sure to convey how I truly felt.

“It’s Koyanagi Nanoka, Kiriyuu-kun’s classmate. I’m sorry about what happened last time.”

Although the woman could not see me, I bowed my head. You have to be sure to put your whole heart into it when you’re apologizing or giving thanks. It’s the same whether you’re clever or not.

My feelings must have made it through to her because, just like last time, she very kindly said, “Just a moment.”

I bowed my head once more when she finally opened the door.

“Good morning. I’m sorry about last time,” I repeated. These were my true feelings, as true as when I had called Kiriyuu-kun a coward.

“Good morning. And no, there’s nothing for you to apologize for,” she said, shaking her head. But that was not true. There was plenty for me to apologize for.

“I’m sorry for leaving without saying a proper goodbye last time, and for saying such terrible things to Kiriyuu-kun.”

“It’s all right. Hikari is the one who should be apologizing. You came all the way to see him, but he wouldn’t even come out of his room. The notes that you brought were beautifully written. I made sure to give them to him. And you dropped in here before going to school today.”

Apparently, she really had forgiven me for all the rude things I had done the last time. Still, I thought what she was saying was a little bit wrong, so I told her the reason I had come today.

“I came to talk to Kiriyuu-kun about something. It’s not about being his ally, or fighting, or coming to school. It’s something more important.”

“Something important?”

Kiriyuu’s mother was a very kind person. Her face looked like a castle guard in a story. Naturally, it was me that she was guarding against. Not only had I been rude, but I had harmed her son last time I came. However, if I let all that deter me, I would not have come here today. I absolutely had to talk to Kiriyuu-kun.

If I wished to be forgiven, there was only one thing to do. I had to earnestly pour my whole heart out without a single lie: why I had come here, what I wanted to say, why I felt that way, and who I hoped to become. As people walked their dogs and other children passed by the house on their way to my school, I told Kiriyuu’s mother everything.

I believe that you should share what you feel at the bottom of your heart with the person you are talking to. That’s probably why I ended up telling Kiriyuu-kun just how cowardly I thought he was.

I had my doubts, but I still wanted to try and explain these things properly to his mother. Just as before, she let me inside the house.

I did not understand why, unlike last time, her eyes appeared to be glistening slightly. As sharp as I was, I could never understand the reason for an adult’s tears, no matter how much I thought about it. Even when I asked them, they usually wouldn’t tell me. Not Kiriyuu-kun’s mother, nor Skank-san, nor Minami-san.

Once inside, she brought me orange juice, just like before. I took only a single sip before heading to the second floor. This time, I did not have Kiriyuu’s mother accompany me up. I simply did not feel there was any need. Even she agreed it was probably better that way.

I was cool as a cucumber as I climbed the stairs, despite the nerves I had felt last time. Today, I felt just as I did when climbing the stairs to Skank-san’s apartment. Step by step, as though walking towards something, although I don’t know if that was happiness or something else.

Skank-san had said that happiness meant being able to think seriously about someone. I wasn’t sharp when it came to people. That much I knew. Thus, I could not come to like others, or think much about them. And so I had decided to think only about myself. And I was sure that I was happy as I traveled here today, having come to this decision.

I began to sing.

“Happiness won’t cooome, wandering my way, sooo thaaat’s why I set ooout to find it todaaay!”

There was no one to sing along with me. Miss Bobtail was not present, nor was Skank-san, or Minami-san, or Granny. I was having fun singing by myself, but singing is always much more fun when you have someone to accompany you.

I would have to find someone to sing with me.

I stopped before one of the doors and knocked sharply. I’m sure that Kiriyuu must have known that it was not his mother who had knocked.

“Salutations, Kiriyuu-kun,” I said. “First off, I have something to say. I’m sorry about last time.”

I bowed before the door. Obviously he could not see me, nor did he reply. But I believed that he could hear me. I took a breath.

“I really did want to apologize to you, cross my heart, but that’s not why I came here today. There’s something waaay more important I need to talk to you about.”

I dropped my backpack onto the floor and sat down with my back to the wall. Then, I took one of my notebooks out from my bag. I had a different notebook for every subject: math went in the math notebook, science in the science notebook, and so forth. The one I had brought today was my language arts notebook.

“Now, Kiriyuu-kun, let’s start the discussion.”

I opened the notebook to the page for class discussions.

“The topic is: what is happiness?”

It was for this purpose, for this conversation, that I had come to Kiriyuu’s house today. I did not wish to talk about allies and enemies, or going to school, or whether or not he lacked courage. Only this. If you had asked me why, I’m sure that I would have said it was because having friends and allies meant finding happiness together.

I had thought hard about it the night before, about what it meant to be an ally. I was happy being with Skank-san, who had become happy just thinking about me. I had found happiness in reading Minami-san’s stories, who had promised me that she would try to become happy, too. I was happy when I was eating sweets and talking about books with Granny, who had said that being with me made her happy. And so, I wanted to find happiness with Kiriyuu-kun as well. That was what it meant to be an ally. I was sure of it.

Kiriyuu-kun was my partner in class discussions. And a discussion like this necessitated a notebook more than it did the contents of a fridge.

“Let’s start with a review. I’ll read out everything that we’ve thought of so far. In the very first discussion, we discussed when we feel happy: eating cookies with ice cream on top, eating Granny’s ohagi, eating sweets your mom baked, reading books, singing songs with friends, having Hamburg steak for dinner, when your mom and dad get home early, traveling with your family, eating your favorite ice cream.”

I purposefully avoided reading just one of the items.

“During the next discussion, we talked about times when we didn’t feel happy: seeing cockroaches, when there’s natto in the school lunch… You added when there’s seaweed salad in the lunches, but I didn’t agree with that. I think seaweed is delicious.”

There was still no sound from Kiriyuu-kun’s room.

“After we listed a lot of things thatweren’thappiness, we talked about something a little different: whethernotbeing happy was the opposite of happiness, and whether we are happy when theoppositeof something we dislike happens. But we came to the conclusion that wasn’t true. We wouldn’t be happy just because wedidn’thave natto in our lunches. You added that you wouldn’t be happy just because there wasn’t seaweed salad, either. At least, not if there wasn’t kara-age in its place.”

Kiriyuu-kun still said nothing.

“We had a number of discussions after that, and then it was class observation day. When we presented, I said that having my mother and father there made me happy. What I said wasn’t a lie, but I didn’t get to explain that it’s not all there is to happiness. What you presented wasn’t what you were really thinking either, was it?”

“When we had our review session afterwards, I asked you why you thought that about happiness, but you couldn’t answer. But I didn’t come here to talk about the fact that you lied, so let’s keep going.”

Nothing still.

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“Starting here are the discussions that we had while you weren’t at school. The discussions continued with Hitomi-sensei taking your place. It wasn’t much different from how we did it when you were here, but this time I thought aboutwhyI feel happy when I do.”

Kiriyuu-kun interrupted me at last, without any preamble. It was so soft that I probably would not have heard it if my hearing had not been as good as it was.

I was not surprised to hear him. Kiriyuu-kun was kind, and I knew that he could never do something as horrible as ignore a classmate.

“Why what? Why was I partners with Hitomi-sensei? That’s because our class is an even number. It’s good that no one else besides you was away.”

There was silence this time before he spoke again. It was probably because he had taken a number of deep breaths. Deep breathing was necessary, after all, for opening up your heart.

I waited for a long while. I would wait for as long as I had to. I felt as though I could hear his soft breathing from the other side of the door. I’ll say it once more: Kiriyuu-kun was kind. So, if I waited, he would respond. I was certain of it.

“I’m not…talking about…Hitomi-sensei…I’m talking about…you.”

Even with the door between us, Kiriyuu-kun could probably see how I tilted my head. Even if other people couldn’t see it, I’m sure that he could. That’s the impression I got, anyway.

“Why…?” he asked again.

“Why…did you come back?”

Aha. I patted my fist onto my palm in realization. “You mean,” I asked. “Why did I come back, after you told me not to?”

“If you don’t want me to be here, I’ll leave right now.”

There was no reply. Instead, he asked me the same question.

“How come?”

“Why do you care so much about me?”

His voice sounded different this time. Previously, he had wanted a reason. Now he sounded as though he truly did not understand.

I’m sure that the two “why”s carried incredibly different meanings for Kiriyuu-kun. However, that had nothing to do with me. I already had answers to both of those questions.

“Well, that’s easy. Because I decided to come, and because I decided to care.”

“No, that’s, uh…”

“And because I like your drawings.”

I sensed his breath stop on the other side of the door. I held no illusions that he had suddenly died or something, so I continued.

“People who can make things that I can’t are amazing. The sweets that Granny makes, the stories Minami-san writes, the pictures you draw. I can’t make any of those, so I think it’s amazing. That’s why I’m always saying how amazing you are.”

I wouldn’t try to force him to show them off anymore. Forcing him to do so when he didn’t want to wouldn’t make him happy.

“Minami-san is a friend of mine, though I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“You…have a friend?”

I was a little peeved at that. I was not angry, but people at least needed to be made aware when they had said something rude.

“Seriously? EvenIhave friends. I have very wonderful friends.”

“Oh, I see.”

Yes, that’s right,I indicated with a nod.

Just then, a shout came from Kiriyuu-kun’s room. Had he spotted a bug or something?Serves him right for making fun of me,I thought with a smug little grin, when suddenly he called to me from within, sounding much more harried than normal. I prepared myself to be annoyed when he asked me to come in and deal with the bug for him, but instead, he said, “K-Koyanagi-san, shouldn’t you be getting to school?”

“Ah…that time already, is it?”

I did not have a wristwatch or a cell phone, so I had no way of telling how much time had passed.

“Won’t you…be late?”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t need to go to school.”

He seemed surprised at this. Rightfully so, to hear someone as diligent and clever as me say such a thing.

“I-I think you should go…”

“But you aren’t going, are you? It’s fine. I have something more important to take care of, anyway. Kids in our class have gotten time off for their relatives’ weddings and stuff anyway.”

“Something…more important…?”

“Finding happiness with you.”

As far as I was concerned, this was far more important than going to school. I wanted to be his ally. At first I thought that this was only because Hitomi-sensei had told me to do so, but as I thought about it, I realized something. I had always felt that way, deep down. Nothing had changed. I wanted to be allies with the kind and gentle Kiriyuu-kun, who was the only one to talk to me when I was feeling down. Who was the only person who spoke to me when no one came to my observation day. That was all. The sweet Kiriyuu-kun who never ignored me, even when he said he hated me. Yes, that was all.

All that had changed was how I hoped to do it. Previously, I made that feeling known by fighting on his behalf, now I would find out how to become happy alongside him. That way sounded like a lot more fun, so I decided to continue our discussion of happiness, even putting aside all we had talked about in school.

“So, I’m gonna ask again: What does happiness mean to you, Kiriyuu-kun?”

“K-Koyanagi-san…”

He seemed troubled, probably because I was no longer referring to him as “spineless,” just as I would be shocked if Kiriyuu-kun suddenly picked a fight. Or as shocked as I was when Ogiwara-kun ignored me.

“I want to hear how you feel about it now.”

“Koyanagi-san…you really should get to school.”

“I told you, it’s fine. So, what’s your happiness?”

“You can’t be skipping school…”

“Weird to think that’s bad for me, but it’s okay for you. So, it must be fine. Here, I’ll say it myself: This wasn’t my idea, but according to a very special friend, this is what happiness is about.”

“You need to go to school.”

“I’m already smart! I told you, I’m not going!” I said, shouting without thinking. Although I was a little embarrassed, I could not take back what I had said. I quickly offered a quiet “I’m sorry.”

That was when I realized something and came to a decision. If you wanted to be someone’s friend, you couldn’t hide any shocking secrets from them. So, I decided to reveal just how I was feeling.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna say it, but our classmates have been ignoring me.”

“I’m sure you know I didn’t have any friends in our class to begin with, but at least there were some people I could talk to, and if I greeted them, everyone replied. But now, everyone’s ignoring me.”

Talking about painful things hurts as much as experiencing them, but it also has the mysterious power to open up your heart, in the same way as deep breathing.

“I don’t want to go to a place full of children like that,” I said. “More importantly, I think it’s a lot more fun solving difficult questions with you.”

As I was speaking, I realized something incredibly important.

“Y’know something?” I asked. “I’m gonna come here from now on. So, you should teach me how to draw. I’ll never learn how to draw as well as you, no matter how long I go to school.”

I finally realized it.

“Hm, wonder what I should teach you in return. Life is like the seat next to you, y’know?”

It wasn’t him who needed allies. It was me.

“If someone’s forgotten their textbook, then you have to share it. And, well, if you have to see someone’s face every day, it’d better be someone you don’t hate.”

“Yes? What?”

When he finally spoke, his voice was somehow even quieter than usual.

“I want you to teach me…how to…be like you.”

His voice was as soft as a flower’s whisper, but I heard it. And then, I was disappointed, wondering why he would care about such a thing.

“You don’t want to be like me. If you were like me, then you wouldn’t be able to draw those wonderful pictures. My mother saw a lion I’d drawn and she thought it was the Tower of the Sun. I hated it.”

He was silent again.

“So if a magician ever offers to turn you into someone else, the person you should change into is you. Got it?”

He didn’t say a single word about that. Instead, after a long, empty pause, he said something else.

“You really should go to school.”

I was shocked. I hadn’t expected him to say that again. I had made my conviction clear, again and again. I had made up my mind, but he didn’t know that, of course. Obviously, this bothered me.

“Why? Normally you never oppose the things I say in class, but you’re nothing but rude today. I guess you hate me so much you’d rather see me go somewhere where everyone ignores me?”

I said it as a joke, imagining him shaking his head so vigorously I’d be able to tell it even on the other side of the door. But when a reply from him did not come, I began to feel uneasy.

The words he had said the last time drifted out from my heart bit by bit, as if wanting air. If I were to let them all out at once, that dark, terrible thing would take root again inside my heart, and all my courage would be trapped like a butterfly caught in a spider’s web.

Before I could let that happen, I had to be sure that Kiriyuu-kun didn’t actually hate me. If he did, he would never talk to me this much. Indeed, those words had probably just leapt out of his mouth all on their own.And so, I will ask him the same question once more, and wait for his reply,I thought, before he put a stop to that.

Life is the same as a beautifully painted dessert. Sometimes you just can’t understand how it got that way. Kiriyuu-kun still said nothing. But his feelings and actions silenced me, and I felt that monster inside of me sinking back down to the bottom of the sea.

I heard the door unlock. Then I saw the doorknob turning, slowly but surely.

Perhaps because the window was open inside the room, a strong wind blew in my face, sending my bangs dancing and forcing me to shut my eyes. When I opened them again, I saw Kiriyuu-kun standing before me, countless sheets of paper dancing behind him, carried by the wind.Has his hair grown a bit longer?As I wondered this, looking at his face, one of the papers came flying towards me, plastering itself against my own.

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Unable to breathe, I quickly snatched it away. When I looked at it, the smile that spread across my cheeks must have rivaled even Skank-san’s.

Kiriyuu-kun was the complete opposite, crouching in the doorway, a tragic look upon his face. There might have even been a bit of dampness to his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he said.

A lot of people seemed to be apologizing to me lately. And yet, I had not received a single apology from the people I actually wanted to hear it from.

“Why are you apologizing?”

Hadn’t he said that he hated me? If that was true, then I couldn’t say that it didn’t bother me, but then I had been the one to call him a coward. Fair is fair.

Kiriyuu-kun looked me straight in the eye.

“You’re getting ignored…because of me.”

“That’s not true.” I shook my head. “It isn’t your fault. It’s because all those idiots in our class are too stupid to even know right from wrong.”

“But itistrue.”

Even as he looked straight at me, the tears flowed from Kiriyuu-kun’s eyes. This had been happening a lot lately, too.

“What is?” I asked.

“That my father…stole something…”

I was quiet. Indeed, I had already known this was true. Even so, I shook my head. I tried to imagine just how tragic a thing this must be for Kiriyuu-kun. I don’t know whether my imaginings truly reached the depth of it, though I stretched them as far as I could. If they did not, I had no idea how much further I would have to reach to get there. Even so, I proudly shook my head.

“Even if he did, so what?” I looked into his eyes to guide him. He was wrong, after all. “Even if your father stole, it doesn’t change the fact that he always greeted me kindly. More than the kids in our class, who I see every day. Moreover, that’s no reason for people to ignore me, or for me not to go to school. And it’s no reason for them to talk badly about you. But this conversation isn’t about your father, anyway.”

Indeed, out of all the bad things that had happened, not once had Kiriyuu-kun ever done anything wrong.

“The ones who are wrong are the people who don’t know that. The fact that I’m not going to school is those people’s fault, too.”

So, there was no reason for Kiriyuu-kun to be sad, or to cry. That was what I meant, but life is like when you get off of a teacup ride, and sometimes you end up walking in the opposite direction from the way you mean to.

Not only did Kiriyuu-kun not stop crying, the tears began to drip from his face. Although, I was not sure which of my words made him so sad. Since I did not know, I was unsure of what to do to make him feel better. So, I shuffled closer and put my hand atop his on the floor. When Skank-san did that for me, I could feel my heart quieting.

He looked surprised, but just as I had done that that day at Skank-san’s, he squeezed my hand back.

I intended to sit there, quietly holding his hand until the tears stopped, but I could not do so. Kiriyuu-kun was still crying, but he said something I never imagined he would.

“Do you…want…to go to school…together?”

“Huh?” I said, flabbergasted at this sudden proposal.

In the moments it took me to pull myself together, I noticed how he flinched back at this, and I realized something.

“Did you just say ‘together’?”

My hand ached from how tightly he was gripping it, but in my surprise, I completely forgot that pain.

His lips quavered at my heartfelt question. He was probably searching for the perfect words. I understood that feeling, so I was happy to wait as long as he needed me to.

“I…told a lie,” he finally said. “I…lied. I’m still afraid…that I might get made fun of again. And I lied…to Hitomi-sensei. So…I want to apologize to her, and tell her the truth.”

The tears still had not stopped. And yet I had never seen such strength in his eyes. I had no idea that he could show such courage. I was desperate to know the reason.

“What do you mean, ‘the truth’?”

“About…what happiness is.”

Just then, a scene flashed before my eyes. Clearly, in voice and vision. It was not of Kiriyuu-kun speaking, but of me, saying something low enough that only Kiriyuu-kun could hear. A single word I spoke on observation day:coward.

So hehadbeen lying. Even knowing this, I felt no sadness or irritation.

“I don’t care about the other people, but I want to tell the truth to Hitomi-sensei, and to you.”

I was thrilled.

“I…actually think there’s something I need to apologize to Hitomi-sensei for, too,” I said.

“She was really sad that she never got to see you when she came by. I forgot to tell you, but she told me to say that she would be waiting for you, as long as it took.”

I left in such a hurry the last time that I forgot. As I told him this, the tears began to drip down his face once more. Still, even his tears were no match for the sparkling in his eyes.

“I want to see her.”

I felt the same.

“But are you sure?” I asked. “If you go to school, those idiots who were making fun of you will be there.”

And who were ignoring me.

Up until now, I felt that Kiriyuu-kun should fight those boys, but thanks to Skank-san, I now knew that was not his way of fighting. Now I had seen this with my own eyes.

His shoulders trembled at my words, just a little. But he looked me straight in the eyes and, with his own strength, shook himself free of the devil clinging to his back.

“I really…don’t want to…but…I think I’ll…be fine.”

This time, I did not know what to say.

“Even if they make fun of me,” he said. “Even if they call me names, I think I’ll be fine, as long as you’re my ally.”

I couldn’t have said why, but tears of relief welled in my eyes, despite the fact that people only cry when they’re sad. And yet I wept with relief, knowing that when Kiriyuu said that he hated me, it was a lie.

But the tears did not fall. It was weird to cry if you weren’t sad, after all. Instead, I looked into his eyes and nodded firmly.

“Of course. I’ve never once been your enemy.”

More tears streamed from him. It was curious. It felt strange that he should be crying.

He squeezed my hand again. “I really think that you should go to school, too,” he said.

“And why is that?”

Finally, I was able to hear the reason.

“You’re not like me. You’re good at studying, and smart, and strong, and I just know you’re gonna be someone important someday…that’s why you can’t skip school.”

I was glad for this praise, but he said something else that made me even happier.

“So, let’s go to school together…I’m your ally, too.”

No matter how much time passed, I would never be able to find the right words to describe how I felt in that moment. Even at Minami-san’s age, or Skank-san’s age, or even Granny’s, never ever would I be able to label the smell or the taste of what was spreading through my heart.

I was painted with such wonderful colors that not a drop of black might be found within, but nor could it be called white. It was a color that I’m not even sure existed in the world. Perhaps a brand-new color had been born in that very moment.

I could not explain what it was, so I can only offer my usual phrase instead: Life is like…my ally.

“As long as I have you, Hikari, that’s enough.”

“You made a good point, Kiriyuu-kun, so I may as well go to school. You’ll be there as my ally, won’t you?”

He cried again, just a little. He smiled too, the tears still lingering in his eyes. It was the first time I had seen his smile in ages. Seeing an ally’s smile is always a joyous thing. And so I smiled too, with my own joy.

“Well, if that’s your decision, then hurry up and get ready! We’re already super late!”

He stood quickly, roughly rubbing the tears away with his sleeve and shutting the door. He had still been in his pajamas, so he was probably changing.

I stood outside and prepared myself to leave as soon as he was ready. At first, I thought that I would just wait there quietly, but then I thought that I had better tell his mother we were going. She might be able to call the school so that we wouldn’t be marked tardy.

I told Kiriyuu-kun my plans through the door and walked down the hall, headed for the stairs. Just as I rounded the corner, I let out a wholly unattractive scream.

Stunned, I fell down onto my behind. In front of me was Kiriyuu-kun’s mother. She was crouching in front of the stairs as if trying to hide, with tears in her eyes.

Everyone seems to be crying lately. Is it some new trend? Or is it contagious, like a yawn?I wondered. As I sat there still on the floor, Kiriyuu’s mother gripped my hand, the same one that Kiriyuu-kun had gripped just minutes ago.

“Thank you,” she said.

It’s probably the first time she has seen him come out of his room in ages,I thought.

“Of course,” I replied earnestly.

But then, she said something strange. “I should have told him that, too.”

What could that possibly mean? As I pondered this, I heard Kiriyuu-kun’s door open. I looked back, and there he was in the clothes he often wore, a backpack on his back.All ready to go,I thought. By the time I stood, Kiriyuu’s mother was already descending the stairs.

I was not as hasty as her, so I waited for Kiriyuu-kun. I realized I was still holding my notebook, and went to put it away in my bag.

There was something in my hand that was not my notebook. Kiriyuu-kun, coming up behind me, noticed it as well. I let him know what I was truly feeling.

“Can I…have this?” I asked.

I might be refused,I thought. No, he would definitely refuse, if he was his usual self. But he didn’t refuse. He nodded, a slight look of embarrassment on his face.

I was glad, but I did not understand why. Still, I decided I would hang it up in my room at home.

“Should we get going?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he replied.

The light in his eyes shone brightly.

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As we arrived at school, Kiriyuu’s fingers gripped onto my jacket. I was sure that he had no intention of touching a girl’s behind, so I said nothing. Besides, I knew exactly how he was feeling. Because I understood this, I puffed out my chest. It did not have the volume of Skank-san’s or Hitomi-sensei’s, but I puffed it out with all my might nonetheless. If you cowered in fear, your enemies would think they had won. So at times like these, it was better to thrust out your chest and pretend to be strong, even if it was a lie. My father taught me that once, as we walked along a road at night.

I led Kiriyuu-kun in through the back door of the classroom, and it was as though time had stopped. Everyone stared at us, not moving a muscle. But time soon rebooted itself, and everyone averted their eyes, muttering. After that, only one person was looking at us. That person was, naturally…

“All right, quiet down everyone. This is still class time. You two are here just in time. You’re a little bit late, but class is just getting started, so don’t worry.”

I grabbed my skirt and bent my knees in greeting to Hitomi-sensei, curtsying like a princess. I was sure that I heard her reply “Merci,” even if she did not say it aloud.

Kiriyuu-kun nervously bowed his head to Hitomi-sensei, then took his seat.Oh, right,I thought. “Sensei, I forgot all of my textbooks, so I’m going to share with Kiriyuu-kun,” I announced.

A murmuring kicked up in the classroom again, but Hitomi-sensei only said, “Make sure you bring them tomorrow,” and allowed me to move my desk closer to Kiriyuu’s. I actually hadn’t brought the right books, since I had never intended to come to school today. The two of us placed our backpacks on the shelf in the back and soon we were ready to start.

We were about fifteen minutes into first period, language arts.Perfect, right?I thought, sending Kiriyuu-kun a wink, but he did not notice and it dissipated into the air.

As usual, today’s lesson was about happiness. We split into pairs to discuss a short story we had read in the previous class, in preparation for our final presentation.

I did not think that Kiriyuu-kun had read the story, so first I would have to explain it to him. Or so I thought. In fact, he had already read it. He had diligently readallof the handouts Hitomi-sensei brought for him while he was locked away in his room.

We discussed the story, and Kiriyuu-kun was even more reserved than usual. We talked about whether suddenly having enough of something you once lacked was happiness, or whether being satisfied with not having enough was happiness, and so forth. Since Kiriyuu-kun still had his head down, I did most of the talking. As we talked, I was fully aware of the glances our classmates stole in our direction here and there. They all must have been weird in the head to be so interested when they were ignoring us.

Somewhere in the middle, Hitomi-sensei came over to us. She always made the rounds during discussion. As she approached, we gave the morning greetings that we had not previously been able to.

“Good morning, Hitomi-sensei,” I said.

“Morning. And good morning to you too, Kiriyuu-kun.”

“Good morning,” Kiriyuu replied in a teeny tiny voice, his head still bowed.

But he was by no means afraid—he had wanted to see Hitomi-sensei, after all. There was a different word for this sort of feeling: unease.

Even I had times when I was uneasy. When I had that fight with my mother before class observation day was just one such time. So I knew that when you’re in an uneasy circumstance, you have to do something about it yourself, sooner or later.

I gripped Kiriyuu’s hand, just out of sight of Hitomi-sensei, hoping to share my courage with him. However, there was no need. He returned the squeeze once, then pulled away. Before Hitomi-sensei could ask anything, he lifted his head.

“S-sensei, I found a d-different answer about…what happiness is. Different from what I s-said on observation day.”

Although his words were faltering and his voice soft, he was presenting. I cheered him on silently. My thoughts were only on him. That was the happiness Skank-san had found.

So, what was Kiriyuu-kun’s happiness? Both he and I knew the answer the entire time. I was proud of him, thrilled at the prospect of hearing it out of his own mouth for the first time. I was surely still his only fan in the class, so it made sense, didn’t it?

“Oh? What would that be?”

Perhaps Hitomi-sensei was surprised at this sudden presentation, but her face did not betray it. She entreated him politely, her expression warm. It was the sort of face that suggested she would listen to whatever it was he had to say.

Kiriyuu-kun looked her straight in the eye, his lips hanging limply. Suddenly I realized that everyone else in class was looking our way. I thought this surprising, given how little they had minded him before this, but it also felt right. The chance for everyone to hear how Kiriyuu-kun truly felt.

Now he just had to say it.

“M-my happiness is…draw—”

He stopped mid-sentence. Hitomi-sensei waited for him patiently, her face kind, but I stared at him wide-eyed.How can he have gotten this far, only to get afraid again?I thought, and maybe I gave him a critical look. Maybe I had misjudged him. It was true that I was his ally, but honestly I started to think that he was still a bit of a weakling. For that I must apologize. I remembered Granny’s words:That boy might be less cowardly than you think.

Kiriyuu-kun breathed in and out several times and bit his lip, then puffed out his chest and said “My happiness is…”

“When my friend says that they like my drawings, and when they are sitting beside me.”

Honestly, life really is like a game of Othello. Because even when there are dark, unpleasant things, there’s a bright and lovely side, too? No, that isn’t it.

It’s because a single shining piece can turn one’s dark feelings right around.

It should come as no surprise that I wanted to tell my special friend about this wonderful day. So, after school ended, I said a rushed farewell to Kiriyuu-kun, ran home and collected Miss Bobtail, and headed right back out toward that cream-colored building.

“Happiness won’t cooome! Wandering my way, sooo!”

“Meow?” My black-furred friend made a strange face at my abnormally enthusiastic delivery.

“Look, it’s fine to sing like this sometimes. I mean, honestly you could even do it all the time, but sometimes you have an extra good day. I bet even you have days like this sometimes?”

“Meow,” she replied, uninterested. Perhaps this was not such a good day for her. I attempted to share my good mood.

“Thaaat’s why I set ooout to find it todaaay!”

“Meow meow meow.”

Although she looked exasperated, eventually she began to sing along.What was with the act?I thought. She was trying to be so grown up. But perhaps the boys were taken with those insincere parts of her.If there is anything I can learn from her, it is the way to a boy’s heart,I thought as we walked along the embankment.

The sky was blue, the grass was green, and the dirt was brown. The soft earth of the path was auburn, cut for easy strolling. The wind was clear, and every person was their own color. Everything was painted with varying hues, and I loved every one of them. But it was when I spied the cream-colored building that my heart leapt the highest.

I laid out all the things that I wished to talk to Skank-san about.

First, I absolutely had to thank her. It was only because of her advice that I was able to find such joy inside my heart. Then I would tell her about every single thing that happened today. I’d talk simply about the unimportant parts, and at more length about the more important stuff. Of course, I would have to stress the unimportant parts that were connected to the important parts, so as to embellish the message. She would probably be surprised to hear me say that Kiriyuu-kun was not the sort of boy who ever did the things he did today.

Still, I thought that I should be emphatic about the fact that Kiriyuu-kun really might have some courage, and that Granny was the only one able to see it.

I was bubbling with excitement. More excitement than I felt upon watching cocoa powder dissolve into warm milk and the smell of chocolate wafting through the air.

The cream-colored, cake-like building was suited perfectly to cocoa. My excitement reached a fever pitch as I reached the staircase, but as I set foot on the first muddy step, I noticed something unusual: Miss Bobtail did not climb the stairs with me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, but she did not reply. “You don’t want any milk?”

She said nothing. I moved to pick her up, thinking that she might be injured somehow, but she slipped out of my arms.

“You’re a weirdo. Fine. Wait there, then.”

“Meow,” she replied finally, her voice very soft.

Well, even cats probably had days that were not so fun, so surely there were days when they had no interest in climbing stairs, either.

Although my thoughts were on my friend’s behavior, my heart was still focused on the things I would talk about with Skank-san. I proceeded to her door, and after plotting out most of the conversation, rang the bell.

Ding-dong, I heard from inside.Hm?I wondered, looking up. The rather ugly writing on the nameplate beside her door seemed to have vanished. Had she finally rewritten it? I had told her before, my writing was very good. I could have rewritten it for her, if she liked.

I waited, but she did not come out, so I rang the bell one more time. Then I heard a noise from inside. Maybe she was just waking up. What a sleepyhead! I waited for a while, giggling to myself, but still she did not appear.

She must be in,I thought, knocking this time. As I did, I greeted the door with an enthusiastic “Gooood afternoooon!”

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A short time after, I heard the door unlock, and the doorknob turned. I always overflowed with anticipation when it was time to see my friend. And yet, when the door opened, that anticipation vanished into smoke.

Something occurred that I had never imagined.

It was not Skank-san who opened the door. It was a man, around the same age as her. I’m sure that the man and I shared the same expression as we looked at each other: surprise. The kind-looking gentleman opened his eyes wide, goggling at me. I’m certain that I was the first to realize who the other must be.

“Are you Skank-san’s boyfriend?” I asked.

She was an incredibly lovely woman, so it was not at all surprising that she might have someone special in her life. If that was the case, then I simply had to introduce myself.

“Pleased to meet you. I’m Koyanagi Nanoka. I’m a friend of Skank-san’s,” I said politely.

But the young man furrowed his brows, making a face of utter confusion.

“Is she out right now?” I asked.

Despite my very simple question, the man tilted his head. “Um…Nanoka-chan, was it?” he asked.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I think you’ve got the wrong address. This is my place. There’s no one here named…Skank?”

Any further and his head might swivel all the way around,I thought.

“That’s not true. I’ve never met you before, but I’ve been here plenty of times. Is Skank-san trying to play a prank on me?”

Maybe she is planning some kind of surprise,I thought, but that didn’t seem right. The man gave a troubled laugh.

“You really shouldn’t be using words like that. ‘Skank,’ that is.”

“But it’s Skank-san’s name.”

“Mm…well, either way, there’s no one here by that name, so I’m sure you’re mistaken. Maybe you’ve got the wrong building? You should double-check.”

“I know it’s here! I was just here yesterday!”

The sudden loudness of my voice came as surely as the memory of being here. This young man, who knew nothing of the dark unease that swelled in my heart, looked even more troubled.

“I was here yesterday too, and you didn’t come by.”

“You’re lying! You weren’t here! I was with Skank-san!”

“Mm, what to do here…” he said, frustrated.

I knew that when an adult expressed their frustration to a child directly, it meant they were thinking about how to shut the child up.

“I’ve got it,” he said. “Maybe you were dreaming, and in that dream, you came to a building that looked like this one? When I was a kid, I spent lots of time searching for the places that I saw in my dreams, but I never found them.”

“Dreaming…?”

No, that couldn’t be. I knew that Skank-san had been here, that we had played Othello together. Eating pudding, holding her hand—none of that had been a dream. I was certain, from the bottom of my heart, but there was one single memory that drifted through my mind then. That memory’s name was Minami-san.

Even by my own cleverness, I could not explain all these mysteries—the mysteries of Skank-san and Minami-san. If I could explain it by my own reckoning, there were only three possible explanations: lies, magic, or dreams.

I figured it must be a lie on this young man’s part, but his distress appeared genuine. I didn’t get a lying smell from him, at least.

As I stood there in silence, the young man said, “Hold on,” and stepped back inside. When he returned, he had a brown Papico in his hand.

“Here, take this. It’s hot today. I don’t want you to get heat stroke.”

The Papico was cool and pleasant, but I knew when I saw it: this place truly did not belong to Skank-san anymore. Her freezer never had any Papico in it.

“How could she have moved out overnight…?”

“I mean, no one could. But anyway, I’ve lived here for four years.”

Four years. For a child as young as me, that was an interminable length of time. I knew. I did not understand it, but I knew another mystery had occurred.

I thanked him for the treat and left. He saw me off with a warm, “See you.”

I walked along the cream-colored wall and descended the stairs to find my friend waiting for me. That was when I realized something. “You knew she wasn’t here, didn’t you?”

My friend did not reply. Instead, she just began walking ahead of me. It was the same way we had walked many times before. I followed behind her, sharing her feelings. Minami-san, and now Skank-san. Mystery after mystery was befalling my friends. Where had they gone? When I didn’t understand something, it was best to ask someone who had lived far longer than I. After all, they had probably had the same experiences before.

As we walked along, I tore open the Papico bottle with my teeth to taste what was inside. I took one mouthful, then another, considering it.

“This really is kinda bitter.”

I was not a fan of the taste of coffee. I waited until the contents of the bottle had melted entirely and offered it to some passing ants.

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